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Weird Tales - Page Fifteen
A driver whose car broke down in Kent called the AA. When the tow truck arrived it ran into the back of the car and wrote it off. A concert-goer in Oslo is recovering after his skull was fractured by a sheep's head. The band Mayhem was carving up a dead sheep on stage when its head flew into the audience. In the course of a seemingly fruitless search for stolen property in a house near Littlehampton, Sussex, a detective noticed the doormat bore the crest "Sussex Police". An American ski resort has dropped part of its name to avoid offending visitors. Tourism chiefs taped over part of the signs to Mary's Nipple. A surgeon cancelled a heart operation at a Cardiff hospital after he took an hour to find a parking space. He said that he was so stressed he was in no state to operate. The Equal Opportunities Commission in Victoria, Australia, ruled that single-sex competitions must be open to all-comers. Now the ladies' champion at a bowls club in Melbourne is a man and the men's champion is a woman. A man who shoplifted videos worth £95 must continue his 50-year sentence, the US Supreme Court ruled. It said the sentence for a third theft was neither cruel nor unusual. Speed humps are being lowered in Liverpool because they are too high for funeral cars. One undertaker said "It is totally embarrassing if you have to ask mourners to get out of a limousine straddled on a hump." The number of accidents at a motorway blackspot in Austria was cut dramatically after marble pillars were built beside the road. A Druid had claimed that when the motorway was built it had broken mystical "earth energy lines" Public lavatory attendants in York have been authorised to accept euros. Previously, coachloads of tourists were being turned away in distress because they did not have any sterling. Joan Slote, aged 74, was fined £4,800 by the US Treasury for going on a cycle tour of Cuba, defying the US embargo of the island. SHe was also fined £80 for buying souvenirs. Thousands of Nike trainers are beig washed up on the American coast after a container with 45,756 pairs fell off a ship sailing from Long Beach, California. None of the pairs was laced together. The High Court ordered the NHS to pay £1.8 million to a man who had been hit on the head with a brick after a Torbay hospital failed to spot he had a fractured skull. The NHS intially offered him £200. The Metropolitan Police has recruited a transsexual policeman. But he will be unable to search male suspects as his birth cetificate classifies him as a woman, nor women suspects because he is now a man. A woman won £102,000 at bingo in Plymouth. She had taken her mother's ashes with her for good luck. Two men working for Kwikfit in Slough, Berkshire, admitted taking pot shots at passers-by with an airgun. They told a court they were bored. Executives at Bosch and Mercedes are being taught to learn to laugh. The £700-a-day Humorous and Leadership Presentation Skills courses instruct them that chuckling at work at least five times a day will help to increase their efficiency. Staff at the J P Morgan bank in the City of London were ordered to stop taking hand-held computer games into meetings. Management at a car factory in Luton have become increasingly frustrated with the high rate of absenteeism. Now workers who report sick are to undergo a lie detector test. A man who stole a skull from a Thai museum told police he took it to improve his luck. He said customers who owed him money suddenly started settling their debts. A man jailed for smuggling drugs worth £266,000 into Britain was awarded £3,000 by the European Court of Human Rights for invasion of privacy. He complained that police intercepted his pager messages. Days before police carried out a raid on a group of garages in Birmingham, the city's council put up posters warning anyone storing illegal material to remove it. "Police will be visiting the property in forthcoming days." the posters said. A woman is suing a surgeon in America who cauterised the initials UK - for Universtiy of Kentucky - on her uterus to, he said, "guide me" through a hysterectomy. She discovered the initials by watching a video of the operation. When an undertaker pulled up outside a chapel of rest he found the hearse doors open - and the body he had been carrying half a mile back down the road near Chatham, Kent. Police charged him for having an insecure load. Renee Veenema was arrested in Holland when clients of his company, Lunar Embassy, complained that they had not received ownership certificates for the £1,000 plots that they had bought on the Moon. Rozanne Sonneborn, a producer, is suing an American television company claiming that she was sacked after she protested about the company putting quotations from the Bible in staff pay packets. Three students in New York were accused of taking a corpse from a crypt. They dressed it as Darth Vader, the Star Wars villain, and took it to a fancy dress party. A circus director and an elephant are being hunted by police after vanishing from the circus's winter quarters in Germany. Police said: "It is easier to hide an elephant than you might think." Fifty-eight students and four teachers were arrested in Bangkok after it was discovered that the students had pagers in their underwear during exams. The pagers vibrated to give answers to the multiple-choice questions.
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