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Weird Tales - Page Twelve
A burglar was caught when he answered the mobile phone he had stolen using his own name. The real owner rang off and phoned the police. Albert and John Cialis are urging manufacturers Eli Lilly to rename their new anti-impotence drug Cialis because they fear public ridicule. The dessert Spotted Dick that was renamed Spotted Richard by Gloucestershire Health Authority and Tesco has been given its original name after they both admitted they got it wrong. A driver stopped at a fire station in Kings Lynn, Norfolk, complaining that he had been affected by fumes from his vehicle. Firemen wearing chemical protection suits discovered the smell was from leaking jars of curry paste. Computer giant Microsoft has banned Matt Hitchcock from opening an e-mail account deeming his surname too rude. Muslims in Auckland, New Zealand, have been facing the wrong way when praying towards Mecca thanks to an architectural mistake that mis-oriented the mosque by 30 degrees. A released prisoner broke back into Exeter jail and staged a rooftop protest at the handling of his complaint against the Prison Service. Norwich city, celebrating its 100th anniversary, is tracing former players. The club has discovered that Tony Powell, one of its "hard men", is now living in San Fransisco as a woman. William Potogi who was given a ritual bath to make him bullet-proof by a witch doctor in Surinam was shot dead when the "magic" was tested. Asylum seekers in Coventry are to be given free driving lessons in a bid to stop them driving illegally. Sparrows and starlings in Scotland have been dying from a mystery illness that causes them to do somersaults and walk round in circles. Scientists fear the outbreak of a "mad bird" disease. Health officials in Trabzon, Turkey, forced Fatma Kocaman to move several cows out of her apartment for hygiene reasons. Mark Ashby was given a blue Mohican hairstyle by his parents as a reward for hard work at school in Omaha, Nebraska. The school then suspended him for breaking the dress code. A company in Chicago has developed a way to turn cremated human remains into diamonds. After American rock band Queens of the Stone Age released their album Songs for the Deaf, 37 deaf people turned up to a gig. Marks and Spencer is developing microchip technology to tell shoppers if their garments clash. Eve Hibbets faces 15 years in prison in Ohio after allowing her children to get sunburned. A man weighing 820lb who arrived at a Los Angeles hospital in a lorry was reported to be "comfortable" after surgeons removed 158lb of fat and excess skin. Police officers in Florida are going undercoveras road workers in order to catch speeding motorists. A youth of 17 who stole a bus in South Wales also managed to pick up 100 passengers and £150 in fares. A Californian burglar has been charged with attempting to ransom the ashes of a pet dog. More bad news for pessimists - scientists in Minnesota have discovered that optimists live longer. A young girl standing on a riverbank in the Lake District was robbed of a £5 note by a trout. Lawyer Philip Shafer is suing Delta Airlines for severe discomfort and emotional distress after being seated next to an overweight passenger. Following complaints about bus-stop queue jumping, Devon police are schooling foreign students in the British tradition of waiting one's turn. Marke Keane has won £7,000 compensation from an NHS trust. It rejected his application to be a phone operator because he is deaf. Boston surgeon Dr David Arndt has been suspended after allegedly leaving a patient during a spine operation to go to the bank. An anti-grumbling campaign will be launched in Australia after claims that people's constant moaning hurts the economy. A gang of ram-raiders fled empty-handed after smashing into a Chinese takeaway instead of their intended target, the Co-Op store next door. One thief yelled "Oh no, we've got the wrong door"' as they fled with nothing in Gloucester. Stunned residents burst into laughter while calling the police. A 42-stone man had to be lifted onto a lorry to be taken to hospital because he was too fat to fit in an ambulance. Newcastle-Under-Lyme firemen had to dismantle a wall and a door to get him out of his home. Three police cars were sent to arrest a 12-yer-old girl in Bedlingtom, Northumberland, who was playing with a toy gun. She was put in a cell, fingerprinted and had a DNA swab taken. Bigamist Robert Young was freed by a court in Leeds after the accepted his assurance that he had forgotten to divorce his first wife. Alex Ranson, 85, ended up in the same hospital ward as his wife in Stanhope, County Durham, when he had a heart attack after he realised he had run her over..... twice! Thousands of patients suffer unnecessary high blood pressure caused by visits to their doctor according to research in the British Medical Journal. A Moscow policeman opened fire when he was attacked by a Rottweiler. He managed to kill not only the dog - but its owner as well Mechanics investigating a rattle in a car's engine discovered that it was caused by a squirrel storing nuts under the bonnet. Scientists in Delaware have developed a computer processor made from chicken feathers.
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